She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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