I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
