Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
