nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
