i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
