so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
