so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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