they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
