dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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