I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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