And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize