Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
