Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
