Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
