I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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