Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
