You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
