The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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