Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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