He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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