I wish I could punch you in the face.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
