So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
