she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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