I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
