So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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