New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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