I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
