The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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