Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
