i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Randomize
