don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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