Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
