All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
