So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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