I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i out mim tonsoeep
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
