Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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