The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
