I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
