Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was confusing and full of hummus
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
