just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
