yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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