i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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