So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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