I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
