i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
