I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
