i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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