I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
