OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
