with your own penis?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
