do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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