VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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