You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
