we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
