that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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