I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
