I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Panties = found
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
