I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
