I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
