dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
