There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
