At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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