I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
