I have demons in me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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