dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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