when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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