she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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