I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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