That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
